I’ve spent a good part of the past year looking for our next house. And somewhere along the way, I think I confused two things: the house I dreamed of owning and the life I actually want to live.
I love old houses. The charm, the character, the beautiful details, the big trees and grassy yards. Give me a charming older home with a little personality, and I’m probably already mentally arranging the furniture.
As I’ve spent more time thinking about what I really want in our next home, I’ve also started wondering where I got so attached to my original idea of a dream house.
I think I found my answer in all those designer reveal days I’ve followed over the years. Beautiful kitchens, charming old homes, perfectly appointed rooms and yards that look like they belong in a magazine. It’s hard not to fall in love with the finished product.
But I sometimes wish those reveal days came with disclaimers, much like drug commercials:
This home may not be suitable for all budgets, life stages, family sizes or commuting distances. Before becoming emotionally attached, please consult your daily schedule and financial circumstances.
All kidding aside, I began to wonder whether the house I’d been chasing was really suited to the life I wanted to live.
When the Dream House Doesn’t Fit the Dream Life
The house I envisioned has a certain aesthetic. I know what I like, and I can picture it pretty clearly. But after months of looking without much success, I’ve started looking beyond the pretty pictures and asking myself some harder questions.
What if that charming old house means a much longer commute? What if it doesn’t have room for all the things that make our life rich, like camping gear, books (so many books!), and the occasional accumulation of family life?
What if the dining room is lovely but too small to host a bunch of teenage kids after a sports game? Or the house is so expensive that we have to work more just to afford it, leaving less time to enjoy it?
I could have the house I’ve always imagined and still find myself wishing I had more time, more space or more financial freedom.
And that seems like a rather expensive way to discover that I got the wrong thing.
What Do I Actually Want From a Home?
When I step back and think about what I want our next home to give us, the list looks a little different than the one I started with.
I want a home where we can comfortably host family and friends and our kids’ friends. I want room for the things we enjoy, a manageable commute and enough financial margin to enjoy life outside our four walls.
And yes, I still want a beautiful home. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with caring about aesthetics. Our surroundings matter to me, and I genuinely enjoy making a home beautiful.
But I’m beginning to see that the aesthetic is only one part of the equation. It shouldn’t come at the expense of everything else.
A house can check every box on my wish list and still make it harder to live the life I want.
That’s a distinction I hadn’t fully appreciated when we started looking.
This Time, I’m Choosing the Dream Life
I suspect I’ll always love the charming old house with the beautiful yard. I may even find one someday that checks all the boxes.
But for now, I’m willing to let go of the idea that our next house has to look exactly like the one I’ve always imagined.
I’d rather have a home that works for us, gives us room to enjoy the things we love and leaves us with the time and money to actually do them.
Maybe, with a little creativity, I can get much closer to my dream aesthetic along the way.
And perhaps someday the two will come together.
But if I have to choose, I’ll take the dream life over the dream house.
